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Chapter IV: A Healthy Mind In A Healthy Body And Other Lies

 

A. Main Story Missions

1. Stronghold Assault
2. Nerd Boss
3. Paparazzi
4. Funhouse Fun
5. Defender Of The Castle
6. Nice Outfit
7. Discretion Assured
8. The Big Game
9. Jock Boss

B. Side Missions

1. Here's To You, Ms. Phillips
2. Galloway Away
3. Jock's Challenge

 

A. Main Story Missions

1. Stronghold Assault --

Available 8:00 am to 9:00 pm
Unlocks mission 'Nerd Boss'
Nerd respect -100
Jock respect +5

This first mission of Chapter IV can be found in front of the Library. It's official, Petey has been rejected by everyone, including the Nerds. He recommends to you that you get Earnest, the Nerd leader, on your side to help get back at the jocks. Sounds like a great idea, but you have to do a little convincing first. Head to the archway at the entrance to the library and try to talk to the Nerds gathered there to find out where Earnest is. They aren't talking, so give them a little beating, but don't knock them out and they will soon be giving up the location. Earnest is in the observatory and it's not going to be easy to get to him. Jump over the broken wall to
the right of the Library and meet up with Tad. He's got the key code to the gate behind him and he's not going to give it up without a beating either, so get the code from him and enter the gate. When you are through the gate, you have to follow the path to get to the observatory, but the path is peppered with Nerds who will be trying to stop you. Make your way carefully along the path with your Bottle Rocket Launcher armed and keep the targeting button pressed. Take out the nerds as they appear. They will also be armed with the BRL, so you can replenish your ammo from the downed Nerds. You'll also be crawling over three barricades along the way. Just hop over each of them and keep your eyes peeled when you get to the other side. After the third barricade you will be approaching the observatory. Take out the last couple of Nerds that head your way and all you'll have left to deal with is Earnest and his Spud Cannon that he has perched above the gate to the observatory. The Spud Cannon can do some serious damage to you, so
avoid it all costs. Use the brief pauses while Earnest reloads to dart between the rocks and work your way closer to the gate. Get to the rocks closest to the gate on the left side (the gate should be to your right as you look at it). Up on a pole near the Spud Cannon, you'll see a red light where the transformer is. That red light is your target. Go into scope mode with your Super Slingshot and charge up a shot. When Earnest pauses to reload, back up enough to get the light in your sight and take it out. This will open the gate and cause Earnest to leave the Spud Cannon and run away. Now it's your turn to play with the big toy. Enter the gate and run up the
stairs to the right to get on the Spud Cannon. You've got to bust down the doors of the observatory with the cannon and the great part about it is that you don't have to reload like Earnest did. It has non stop unlimited ammo! The doors of the observatory will have a "health bar" at the top of the screen. All you have to do is keep pounding the doors with the cannon until the health bar runs out. Nerds will appear in the balconies and windows of the observatory to shoot bottle rockets at you. Turn the cannon on them
occasionally and blow them away and return your focus back to the doors. When the health meter is gone, the doors are gone and the mission is complete. You will automatically begin the next level. (No, this does not mean Chapter IV is over already!)

2. Nerd Boss --

Unlocks weapon Spud Launcher
Unlocks side mission 'Jock's Challenge'
Unlocks mission 'Paparazzi'
Unlocks mission 'Funhouse Fun'
Nerd respect +50

This is a boss battle only a Nerd could think of. You enter the observatory and Earnest is up on a scaffold with yet another Spud Cannon. There are pillars in the middle of this room you can hide behind to avoid his fire. Your target in here is not Earnest, but the two power generators to either side of him. Target them with your BRL if you have any, or just use charged shots with your Slingshot. Each generator takes about 4 charged shots to bring down. Use the pauses while Earnest reloads to pop out from behind the pillars and shoot the generators. When both generators are down, the scaffold will collapse a short way and Earnest will now be on another side of the room. This time he'll be tossing firecrackers at you and it will be harder to avoid them. Same concept as last time though, so while you're on the move, charge shots with your slingshot and take out the generator to either side of him. When those two generators are gone, the scaffold will fall once again, Earnest will again appear on another side of the room and he'll be back on the Spud Cannon. Using the same method you did the first time, take out the two generators once again and Earnest will fall for the last time. Congrats on earning the Spud Cannon! Mission complete!

3. Paparazzi --

Available 8:00 am to 7:00 pm
Unlocks mission 'Defender Of The Castle' if 'Funhouse Fun' is complete
Reward $25
Jock respect -10
Nerd respect +5

To start this mission, enter the gates of the observatory at the blue marker (you can get to the observatory quickest via the entrance at the east end of the football field -- avoid getting your ass kicked by jocks on the way) and then enter the yellow marker at the front door of the observatory. Earnest thinks it would be a good idea to bring down the jocks by taking incriminating pictures of the head cheerleader, Mandy. (Yeah, THAT'S why he wants the pics!) So off you go. Your first stop is the gym. Mandy will be there practicing cheers with some of the other girls. Whip out the camera when you get inside, get a good shot of Mandy lined up and snap a pic. When you have an acceptable picture, Mandy will smell her armpits, end practice and head off to the girls dorm to shower. Guess where you're going next? Enter the dorm via the ladder on the north side of the building (same way you got in if you did the side mission 'Panty Raid'). Go across the attic to the stairs leading down to the second floor. When you get down there, keep an eye on your radar for the house mother. She will do a little patrol here and after she looks in on the girls bathroom where Mandy is taking a shower, she will leave and head for the first floor. Use this opportunity to creep down the hallway and into the girls bathroom. There is no need to enter the shower area, just stay in the bathroom and aim your camera toward the stall where Mandy is taking a shower. Don't get excited, you're not going to see anything. Just a door, a lot of steam and some naked feet. Snap a picture of this and you'll get a brief cut scene as you hide and Mandy leaves the bathroom to go to her room. The house mother should still
be downstairs at this point, but she won't stay there for long, so creep back up the hallway the way you came and the last room on the right is Mandy's. She will be in there shaving her legs. You don't need to go in her room, so just stay in the hall and snap a picture of her shaving. You should still be safe at this point, but don't waste your time going back up to the attic to get out. You can go back up to the window in the attic to get out. When you get there, just jump back out onto the ledge and take the ladder back down, but it's much quicker just to run like hell for the stairs and out the front door. The old house mother isn't all that quick. Escape the clutches of the house mother and any nearby prefects, and you need only get to the Library where Earnest will meet you to get the pictures. Hand them over and this "Anatomy Student" will pay you your reward.

4. Funhouse Fun --

Available 8:00 am to 11:00 pm
Unlocks mission 'Defender Of The Castle' if 'Paparazzi' is complete
Reward $25
Nerd respect +5
Jock respect -10

Start this mission at the yellow marker at the library. The Nerds have taken over the Fun House at the Carnival, and they have a little party planned for the Jocks. First thing you have to do is get to the Fun House at the Carnival, and you are timed, so if you don't already have one, grab a bike and head for Old Bullworth Vale. As you know from the mission 'Carnival Date', the Carnival is through the tunnel near your save house in Vale. Buy a ticket to enter the Carnival if you don't already have one and go in. Follow the path through the Carnival to the yellow marker that indicates the entrance to the Fun House. Enter the mouth of the Fun House and walk through the spinning tunnel. At the end, crouch down and crawl through the small hole at the end. When you emerge on the other side, you'll be in the upside down room and Fatty and Thad will be in there taking a beating from two jocks. Carefully take out the two jocks before they beat down your nerds. I say carefully because they are close to the nerds, so using firecrackers is out of the question or you'll take down your own nerds. When the jocks are taken care of, you have to lead the Nerds out of the Fun House. Going back through the tunnel you crawled in through isn't an option, so you've got to be creative. Crawl up onto the table and walk up to the blue book sticking out. Push it in and the ladder you couldn't reach will roll on down so you can get on it. Climb up the ladder and into the graveyard room. Time your steps through the room to avoid the falling scythes of the grim reapers. Enter the door at the end of the room to find yourself in a control room. Step into the marker, and you'll be looking at a video screen of the graveyard room. You will see Jocks coming in, but you are now in control of the grim reaper's scythes. Hit "X" as the jocks pass
beneath the scythes to take them all out. Exit the graveyard room and you'll be in a maze. The genius brothers, Thad and Fatty, have already managed to get themselves lost in the maze. They do not appear on your radar, so you have to use your own judgement to find them. Press the red buttons next to the doors to open them and use your radar to find your way around the maze. The maze isn't very large nor very complicated, so it shouldn't take you long to find the two morons. When you have them both, the blue marker will appear indicating the exit. You'll now be in a mine shaft where mechanical miners block the path to the exit. You must reach the controls for each set of mechanical miners to turn them off. Climb the ladder near you to get up to the catwalk above. There is a jock at the first set of controls you must beat down to get to the button. Do so and you will shut off the first set of miners. Thad and Fatty will move forward to the next set of miners and wait. Stay on the catwalk and move ahead to the next jock and set of controls. Repeat what you did before. Head down the ladder at the end of this catwalk and exit the mine. You will now be in a hall of mirrors and once again you'll have to gather up Thad and Fatty because they are playing in front of mirrors. They are real close by, so just grab them up and head up the stairs. A curtain will open when you reach the top and you'll be standing on a stage in front of a fake audience. Hop off the stage and out the door at the back of the theater and the mission is over.

5. Defender Of The Castle --

Available 8:00 am to 11:00 pm
Unlocks mission 'Nice Outfit'
Unlocks mission 'Descretion Assured'
Reward $25
Nerd respect +20
Jock respect -10

You can find this mission at the observatory, and this time the tables are turned. It is you that must defend the observatory, only you don't get a bunch of nerds to help you out -- you have to do it by yourself. When you get control, run to the first barricade (the last one you came to in 'Stronghold Assault'). Jocks will be coming at you from the other side, so quickly climb over and start taking them out with your BRL or the Spud Cannon. Some of them will be in football uniforms with red arrows over their heads and they will run straight for the barricade, ignoring you. They are trying to beat down the barricade so they can all get through, and like it or not, eventually they are going to succeed no matter how badass you think you are. If they didn't, the mission would never end. Hold them
off as best as you can and when they finally break through, pick off all of the Jocks that are close to the observatory. When you get a break in the action, run like hell for the observatory gate and up the stairs to the Spud Cannon mounted over the gate. Take aim just to the right of the left hand pillar in the distance and let those spuds fly! Focus on the Jocks with the red arrows, because they are focused on getting to the gate to take it down. If even one of those guys slips by and gets to the gate, the mission is failed. When there are no more jocks to be -uh- tatered, the mission is complete.

6. Nice Outfit --

Available 8:00 am to 7:00 pm
Unlocks Mascot Outfit
Unlocks mission 'The Big Game' if 'Discretion Assured' is complete
Jock respect -10
Nerd respect +5

Start this mission by entering the marker at the observatory. Earnest is still focused on taking out the jocks, and he wants you to get the Mascot's outfit. This mission starts off pretty simple if you do it right. You need to beat on the Mascot and fill up the "annoyance" meter that will appear on the right side of the screen, so head toward the football field where he can be found. You COULD chase the mascot around and beat on him to fill the meter, and if you are a little sick and twisted, you will do just that as angry football players, the coach and a couple of prefects chase you around in the process OR you could climb the tree at the corner of the
football field and just repeatedly peg the Mascot with the slingshot while everyone else runs around like idiots wondering where its coming from. I chose option 2 and saved myself some trouble. Wait for the Mascot to stop running and pop him with a charged shot from the slingshot until the meter is full. When you've sufficiently annoyed him, you will go to a cut scene where you chase the Mascot into the gym with the pool, the football team close on your heels. You and the mascot will enter the gym and the football team will get ambushed by Nerds on the roof with BRL's, leaving you and the Mascot to duke it out by yourselves in the emptied swimming pool. This fight is a lot like the one with Russell in 'Russell In The Hole', only the Mascot is easier to beat. He has a charge attack similar to Russell's that results in the same end of him slamming into the wall and stunning himself leaving himself open to a good beat down. Take out the Mascot and you steal his clothes and complete the mission.

7. Discretion Assured --

Available 8:00 am to 9:00 pm
Unlocks Mandy as a girlfriend
Unlocks mission 'The Big Game' if 'Nice Outfit' is complete
Nerd respect -5

Find this mission inside the gym where you went for gym class. Enter the yellow marker on the bleachers and you'll find yourself consoling Mandy over the recent decline of her reputation due to the photos you took of her in the shower. Feeling a little bad, you agree to take care of the posters that have popped up around campus and town that were made from those photos. You are timed for the duration of this mission. Grab a bike and start toward the yellow markers that appear on your radar. One is on the back wall of the school. When you get there, there will be a couple of bullies checking out the poster. If you don't start a fight, they won't either, so just walk up and hit the triangle button to spray over the poster. You will have much the same task as when you sprayed the tags. Hit "X", trace the shape with the left analog stick, "X" again, trace again, until the poster is covered. Move on to the next poster over near the entrance to the library. There will be a couple of Nerds here gawking at this one. Follow the same procedure you did for the first one. Now you need to head in to Bullworth Town where you will see two more markers. Your first stop in Town should be the Yum Yum Market to grab another can of paint. Once you have it, head for the Town Hall, the furthest marker to the north and take care of the poster being gawked on the front of the building. As you head to the next marker, you'll see a cutscene of Tad putting up another poster, so continue toward the next mark and cover up that poster quickly. Head toward the newly placed poster quickly, fight off the jocks that will try to beat you up when you get there and cover up the last poster as quick as you can. If you take too long getting this done, Tad will start replacing the posters that you covered up before. Get all the posters covered and the hard part
is done. The only thing left is the soft part. Head back to the boys dorm where Mandy will meet you and slip you some tongue for a nice health boost. Mission DONE!

8. The Big Game --

Available 8:00 am to 9:00 pm
Unlocks mission 'Jock Boss'
Reward $25
Jock respect -10

I still haven't decided if this mission is annoying or entertaining, so I'll leave it up to you to figure out. Go to the marker at the observatory to begin and have a laugh at the conversation Earnest is having with his "paper babe". When you decide to let him know you are there, Earnest will let you in on Operation "Trojan Cow" and the importance you hold in this mission. You will put on the Mascot outfit and meet with his Nerd Agents in the field. When you have control, you will already have the costume on and you'll be standing in front of Tad at the gates of the observatory. In order for Tad to let you out, you have to prove to him that you can do the
official Cow Dance. Activate the dance by pressing L1 and "X". You will then have a very easy Chemistry Class style "press the corresponding" button puzzle. Press the correct button as it passes through the box in the bottom center of the screen until the cycle is finished. Resist the urge to watch the very silly dance so you don't mess up, as this can be hazerdous later on. Complete the dance properly, and Tad lets you out of the gate. Now you have to find the Nerd Agents hiding around the football field. As you approach the field, you'll run into your first set of Jocks, and you are going to have to perform the dance for them too, or they are going to make your life miserable. Perform the dance and they will celebrate in your glory and you can carry on about your business. There will be several times during this mission that you will have to perform this task to keep the Jocks from getting suspicious, so I won't keep telling you the procedure, just be ready for it each time it happens, and as long as you are successful every time you do the dance, this mission will be a breeze.

Nerd Agent 1: Go to the nearest marker on your map behind the bleachers. You'll find your first Nerd Agent back there and he will give you a football loaded with a firecracker. He wants you to switch it with the game ball, which is in a bag in front of the Team Clubhouse (also your save house if you have already done 'Jock Challenge'). Take off for the clubhouse and expect to have to do the Cow Dance at least once before you get there. Make it to the bag and step into the marker and you'll make the switch. You get to watch a cut scene of the rigged football being thrown to another player and then blowing up in his hands.

Nerd Agent 2: Head to the marker behind the other set of bleachers and you'll meet the next Nerd Agent. He has a tube of glue for you, and he needs you to glue the players to the bench. Take your tube of glue and head for the 4 new markers that appear on the players benches. You will again have to do the Cow Dance at least once. Go to each of the 4 markers and follow the on screen instructions to apply the glue to all 4 benches. When you have glued them all, watch the not so much funny cut scene of the Jock
getting glued to the bench.

Nerd Agent 3: This marker is up near the entrance to Harrington House, and for reasons that will soon become apparent, this task was appropriately assigned to Algie "Pee-Stain". He needs you to take a leak in the Jocks drink cooler. The cooler is in the gym down in the lower area close to the locker rooms, so go there and prepare to dance. Once you've danced and you are alone with the cooler, walk up to it and follow the instructions to pee in the cooler. When you've finished and given it the last shake, watch the
cut scene to see how fast a Jock can puke.

Nerd Agent 4: The next agent is on the walkway that goes to the Auto Shop. (I never used this walkway until now) It's on the opposite side of the fountain from where the last agent was. This agent will hook you up with some marbles and wants you to spread them around the football field. Take off for the three new markers that appear evenly spread across the football field. As you would expect by now, you're probably going to have to dance somewhere along the way. Stand in each of the yellow markers and toss out
a bag of marbles. When you've done this in all three spots, you'll get to see what happens when you try to play football on marbles.

Nerd Agent 5: This final agent will be standing by the fountain. He wants you to hack the scoreboard so that it displays a special message for the team, so go back to the football field. The control panel for the scoreboard is on the opposite side of the field. I found that if I walked around the outside of the field to the west (toward the Jock Clubhouse) and stayed close to the wall, I was never asked to do a dance, so if you get lucky like that, good for you, but standby 'cause its about to hit the fan. Get to the control panel and walk into the marker. Follow the on screen instructions and you'll get the cutscene of your final misdeed. I'll let you enjoy the message yourself and not ruin it by typing it here. I hope you had fun, because that is the end of this mission, and you are automatically thrown into the next mission . . .and yes folks, that does mean the end of Chapter IV is forthcoming this time.

9. Jock Boss --

Unlocks Chapter V
Unlocks new area Blue Skies Industrial Park
Unlocks mission 'Making A Mark'
Nerd respect +10
Jock respect +100

This 'boss battle' looks more intimidating than it is (but then I found the entire game to be a little too far on the easy side -- thats another story). It's you in your Mascot outfit on the field against four football players in full gear, Ted and three of his minions. Ted will start throwing footballs at you. They are real easy to dodge, but don't run too far away from them, because you need them. They are loaded with firecrackers, and yes, they were lit before they were thrown to you. Lucky for you, they have fairly long fuses, giving you enough time to pick up the ball, target one of Ted's linemen and throw it back to take out them out. When all three linemen are down, Ted will move back more, obtain two more linemen and one of the downed linemen will get up and join him, leaving you in the same predicament only further down the field. Follow the same procedure to take out the linemen, only this time, watch for a couple of players that will rush you from the side of the field. Fight them if you must, but be sure not to get caught up in a brawl near one of Ted's loaded footballs. Take out the next three linemen and Tad will make his final move back to the end zone. Repeat the procedure from the last time until Ted is the last man standing. When that happens, run straight toward Ted and hit the square button just before you get to him. You will tackle him with full force and take him down with the one hit. Celebrate the greatness that is you for defeating
the Jocks and completing Chapter IV.

 

B. Side Missions

 

1. Here's To You, Ms. Phillips --

Available 3:30 pm to 7:00 pm
Unlocks side mission 'Galloway Away'
Reward $50

Go up to the Art Classroom when this mission is unlocked and enter the marker to trigger this mission. The flirtatious Ms. Phillips is preparing for the date and our hormonally challenged character is left with the impression that the date is with him. Ms. Phillips would appreciate it if you would go gather some of her things so she can finish getting ready. A Greaser named Peanut is creeping around spying on your conversation, but he makes himself largely unimportant during the remainder of the mission. This mission is very similar to 'Cook's Crush' in that all you have to do is ride around and pick up three items and bring them back. Fortunately this time, the person you are doing it for is much more attractive. You have to pick up her dress from the clothing store in Bullworth Town, then head over to Old Bullworth Vale to pick up her bottle of perfume and her Pearl Necklace (Yeah, Rockstar was kind of pushing it with that reference, but if you're old enough to get it, then you're probably ok). It's a timed mission but the time is pretty generous as long as you plan out a route on your map ahead of time. At all three stops, Peanut will be there when you exit the store to slow your progress, but if you park close to the doors before you go in, when you exit you can just hop on your bike and ride away without
incident. Just enter the next store as quick as possible, because he doesn't follow you in. Grab the last item and head back to the school to give them to Ms. Phillips. I finished this mission with more than half of the time left if that gives you an idea how generous the time is. Watch the cut scene and be disappointed to see that fine piece of pixelated woman take off with the school drunk.

2. Galloway Away --

Available 8:00 am to 7:00 pm
Unlocks side mission 'Cheating Time' (Available in Chapter V)
Reward $60

Begin this mission by going to the English Classroom in the main school building. Apparently Hattrick has convinced Galloway to check himself into the Nut House to dry out. Hattrick also left instructions that Ms. Phillips was not to be allowed in to see him. She tantalizingly suggests that you should go and rescue him. The quivering in your pants suggests that you will do just that and she tells you to meet her outside the Asylum. Grab a bike at your first opportunity and then take your pick of how you want to get there. The shortest way, by far is the tunnels through the mountain behind the observatory. Either go to the football field and follow the path past the observatory to the tunnel entrance, or if you time it right, you can bunny hop the broken part of the wall to the right of the library to get to the path you took to the observatory in 'Stronghold Assault'. Either way get to that tunnel and just follow the markers until you come out on the other side at the Asylum. On cue, Ms. Phillips pulls up in her car and tells you to sneak into the Asylum and get Mr. Galloway out and have him meet her at the gate. As you face the gate to the Asylum, go to your right and run around the fence around the outside of the Asylum. The yellow marker will lead to you a tree on the back side. Climb the tree, shimmy out onto the limb and drop down on the other side of the fence. There are patients and orderlies walking around inside. The patients you can ignore. The orderlies appear on your radar as red dots as all symbols of authority do. A cut scene and a patient will let you know what your first task is. You need to cut the power source to the statue in the middle of the yard. Crouch down and follow the fence back around the way you came (only this time on the INside). Be careful not to let the orderlies see you. They have a pattern to the way they patrol, and give you plenty of time to get by them. Work your way around until you are behind the building that the statue faces and you will see a ladder on the back of the building. Climb the ladder to the roof and stay crouched when you get up there. Do NOT cross the crest of the roof, or you will be seen and kicked back outside the fence and you'll have to start all over again. Peek just enough over the crest of the roof so you can scope the power source (the red light) with your slingshot and bust that sucker. The patients will lose their minds (More) and the orderlies will be forced to change their route and take off to handle the chaos. Climb back off the roof and (still crouching) go back the way you came to get yourself on the right side of the main Asylum building. Watch the route of the orderly by the front door, and when he turns his back to walk away from you, creep up to the front door and hit the
triangle button to get inside. STAY CROUCHED when you are inside, as you are on the other side of a fenced wall and there is an orderly right on the other side. Even if you move, he can't see you as long as you are crouched. Move to the blue marker and open the door, creep your way to the next door and keep an eye on your radar. There is a patrolling orderly in the next area and a group of orderlies trying to control a hysterical patient outside of a room door. Galloway is in the last room on the right, past the group of orderlies. Watching what the patrolling orderly is doing, enter this area and creep around to the left. Follow along that wall all the way to the other end of the room and then back over to the right. Galloway's door will be right in front of you and the group of orderlies will be to your right, but they will be occupied and won't see you as long as you have crept this far. Open Galloways door, and enjoy the cutscene where you convince him to leave with you. The escape is a cut scene, so just watch and enjoy the end of the mission.

3. Jock's Challenge --

Available 8:00 am to 11:00 pm
Unlocks Jock Clubhouse save house

You can find this mission at the red marker in the gym. There is not much too this that hopefully you haven't done at least three times. **SPOILER WARNING** (I am going to assume at this point that you have completed all of your classes. If not, do so because near the beginning of Chapter V, you will be expelled and no longer allowed to attend classes) This is nothing more than a dodgeball game, exactly the same as you did in Gym class. Win the game and you unlock the Jock's Clubhouse as a new save (and sleep)
point. It is the building at the west end of the football field.


 

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