Q - "I am having a problem with my game, I cannot get King Henry's Tomb to say Templar. It doesn't have an E on the second letter. Any suggestions on what I should do?"

A - Yes, you could start by making it say "Temples", which would be the correct thing to make it say.

Q - "wondering if you can answer this , when you are mixing the chemicals in the game , how do you get the cup to move ?"

A - Try using the control indicated on the bottom of the screen next to the word "MOVE"

Q - "I am underground trying to light th urns. When I light one another goes out. Please send any info that will help."

A - The answer is in the walkthrough you just got my e mail address from.

Q - "Sólo decirte que tu guía ha sido lo mejor que he encontrado en la web. Me puse a buscar alguna solución al quedarme bloqueado en dos nombres de los altares en la vuelta al altar de Rosslyn a los que no veia lógica.

A - WHAT?!

Q - "I am sorry to disturb you again, but I need help finding any bird statues are they near in the room I am in holding the torch or in some other place that I haven't looked."

A - They would be the only two statues that are ALREADY ON FIRE!

Q - "At Saint-Sulpice, you thoroughly explain how to obtain the bronze and copper tablets, but do not mention how to get the brass one.  I got all the way to the three lanterns and never came up with the brass slide. I have read your file over and over and still come up short."

A - You can continue to search the walkthrough, and you'll never find it. The brass slide is already IN THE DAMN LANTERN! Feel silly yet?

Q - "in the game "THE DIVINCI CODE" in the third level "Bank of Zurich" i am at the begining of it and i do not know what the the code is for the cryptex is it is the one that starts with "G" and it is a 5 letter work"

A - Ok, so I HAVE to assume that you have my walkthrough if you have my e mail address.  The answer is in there.

Q - "We're trying to find some info on how to get out of the Louvre.  We have found the 3 secret items, no problem.  But we can't find our way out! Very frustrating.  Any help?"

A - How in the hell did you find three secrets if you can't find a big ass door?

Q - "hey wats up... i just started the game and i didnt read the book so can u tell me what "Oh, lame saint" de-codes to?"

A - Are you actually reading the walkthrough, or did you just skip to the end to get my e mail address?

Q - "I'm know in the zurich bank and I don't know the numbers of the box could you help me waiting... thank you"

A - Where did you get my e mail address if you are not actually reading the walkthrough?

Q - "it may sound stupid. i am at the mansion and i cant figure out the lock. can you please help me if you remember the code."

A - There is no "may" about it. The answer is directly north of my e mail address in the walkthrough.

Q - "At the mansion - I enter the code for the lock 112358 but nothing happens - do I have the wrong code?  IF so, what is the code please."

A - Usted es increíblemente mudo.

Q - "the game da vinci code there is a part where u have 2 unscramble words this is the line oh lame saint"

A - ifyouarentreadingmywalkthroughwhichtellsyoutheanswertothatthenwheredidyougetmyemailaddress

Q - "De knoppen op het graf moeten in de volgorde koningin, baron, ridder, soldaat gedrukt worden, wanthet gaat hier om de tijd. Als je om een hint vraagt zegt Sophie op een moment: ‘The last line sugests a reversal oforder.’ Die ‘reversal’ zit in de laatste twee zinnen. Eerst de koningin, dan de baron. Een dag met een ridderen de dag daarna vertrok zijn moeder met een soldaat. Het is best vaag en onduidelijk, maar dit is de logicawaar ik me aan heb gehouden tijdens het spelen." (It is important to note that for some reason the subject line of this e mail was in English)

A - Uh . . . Hi there!

Q - "I purchased the Da Vinci code video game and looked at your strategy guide on cheatcc.com and i cant get passed the first level. In your strategy guide it said to chuck the soap and the tracker out the window., i combined both of them and when i press use it doesnt let me throw it out the window. Can you please tell me how to?"

A - You will probably attract less attention if you open the window first.

Q - "Can you please mail me the Da Vinci Code PC Saved Game File with unlock to all levels and extras. I will be happy if you mail me at the earliest."

A - Even if I did have one, I still wouldn't send it to you.  I spent several hours writing that walkthrough and secrets guide to help YOU get through the game on your own time, I'm certainly not going to play the damn game for you too. If you're just going to chuck 50 bucks out the window that way, send it my way instead. I have PayPal.

Q - " In the Second Level when you are examining the sister's outstreached hand..you can move the bed and there is a puzzle that you have solve.  Do you know what the puzzle is decrypted?"

A - No, I don't, but I managed to finish the game and write an entire walkthrough with all the answers in it anyway.

Q - Hi, I'm writing to ask permission to post your walkthrough on my site. I will delete you as the author, remove your contact information and use your image links as though they are my own. It will look like I did it. Can I post it?

A - Absolutely. I only ask that you send me your home address, phone number, social security number and the numbers of three of your current valid credit cards. Verification of this information will be required before you may post the walkthrough.

Q - I have downloaded and installed an illegal copy of this game. Can you please tell me how to get it to work?

A - No.

Q - "Hello i am using your walk through for the da vinci code and im still not getting the torches lit right in the grotto in the normady home to make the pentagram if you could maybe give me a better explanation because the clock thing just didnt work i tried it over and over and it didnt work so maybe i just dont know how to read a clock"

A - I'm betting a weeks pay you don't know how to read a clock. You just have to be sure you are using the correct torch as 12 o'clock, and it works everytime.

Q - "are you sure?" (Same guy as above e mail)

A - Well, no, I'm not sure, BUT, since I posted the walkthrough 2 weeks ago, I've had over 75,000 hits to it.  You are the ONLY one that said that clock idea doesn't work. So no, I'm not sure . . . .but the odds are in my favor.

Q - You are an incredible writer and you make me HOT! Will you marry me and let me have your children?

A - Yes, however my wife insists on being the Maid of Honor and that she videotape the conception of the children.

This one was two e mails from the same person:

Q - "there is a four didgit number u hath 2 putt in at the bank do u know that number?"

A - Well, you obviously got my e mail address by reading the END of the walkthrough.  Try going to the MIDDLE of the walkthrough and look under the Bank of Zurich section.

Q - "it does not tell u the anwser butt thank u anyway"

A - Yes, it does tell you the answer.  In fact, it says it TWICE!

I hope this page has entertained you as much as it has me. For those of you who don't know me, and that is going to be most of you, I am sarcastic and blunt and I pretty much believe in saying what is on my mind. If this page has offended you, then you are probably one of the morons that wrote one of the above e mails, in which case you are angry with me.

GOOD!

Keep in mind that Dan Brown offended MILLIONS of people with this book . . . .and he's laughing all the way to the bank!

If you just have to speak your mind now, mail me at:
YOU DUMB FAQ!

If you want, I'll even send you an insulting e mail just for asking!
For a dollar, I'll send one to anybody you want.